


The Flies Have It, or an Important Memo from Your Prince, Lord Beelzebub

by Hexqueen517



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: American Politics, Humor (you be the judge), Ineffable Bureaucracy, Memo from Hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:29:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26899717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexqueen517/pseuds/Hexqueen517
Comments: 10
Kudos: 17





	The Flies Have It, or an Important Memo from Your Prince, Lord Beelzebub

_From the Desk of Lord Beelzebub, Prince of Hell and Lord of the Flies_

Many of you – although not all of you, I note – have appropriately congratulated me on Hell’s latest social media promotion. Visiting the American Vice President Mike Pence with my plague of flies is tangible evidence to living humans that the soul who does evil while publicly claiming to be a champion of God will soon meet its maker and be banished to a lower circle of Hell, where the latest Trump Tower is nearing completion. This visual reminder of the righteousness of our cause has shook Americans and political observers to their core. Terrible work, everyone, commendations all around.

On a less celebratory subject, there have been some murmurings that the Apocalypse is no longer nigh, that it has been thwarted in some way by the Antichrist. Let me be clear – there is no truth to this rumor. The Apocalypse is right on schedule, and under budget. Rumors to the contrary are part of a liberal agenda to destroy Hell as we know it, especially its suburbs. People who spread such fake news are traitors to the cause. These traitors are Hell’s elitists who live in ivory towers (constructed from ivory stolen from elephant smugglers) and who tell you hard-working demons that they’re better than you, smarter than you, more experienced than you, just because they’re smarter and have more experience. Will you stand for that?

In the latest development, these liberal elites have been telling stories about an Earthbound “serpent of Eden” in their effort to manufacture wild lies about the upcoming, completely on schedule Apocalypse. Let me be clear again – there is not, and never has been, a serpent of Eden. That has always been a metaphor. How foolish do they think you are?

As for the whistleblowers coming forward with documentation concerning the existence of the serpent of Eden, “the demon Crawley” or “the demon Crowley,” let me remind you all that there is no greater crime in Hell than snitching.

You may be confused about some of our latest policies concerning the Antichrist. You may have been wondering why he hasn’t come into his powers and bidden the Four Horsemen to ride. That’s because Satan plays four-dimensional chess on an intellectual level you simply don’t understand. All Hail Satan!

Let me take this opportunity to remind you that damned souls ARE the silent majority. REAL demons are working in chaos to Make Hell Great Again.

Don't forget to vote!

Your Overlord for Eternity,  
Lord Beelzebub, Prince of Hell


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